WEST
TEXANS
by Perry Cozzen
W
est Texas is not just a state of
mind, it’s also the western
half of Texas: different cli-
mate, different elevation, different dirt,
different skies, different water, different
birds, different snakes, different rab-
bits, different stars, different smells, dif-
ferent winds, and different folks.
I’m a West Texan. I was born here,
and my family’s buried here. If you
grow up and live in West Texas you
can’t be afraid of much. It is truly the
survival of the fittest, no place to hide.
Everybody works and no one will talk
to you if you don’t. People pay close
attention to the weather.
I was always attracted to the sorry
bastards.
They laughed harder,
moved faster and smoother, shot better
pool, had faster cars and were the
quickest ones to find something going
on. If nothing was happening then
something got started at the pool hall
around the usual themes: racing, gam-
bling, stealing, chasing women, going
to another town and always drinking.
It’s been like that for years, stories
get passed down, improved on and
repeated.
Lots of stories about dying: car
wrecks, shootings, liver failures, stab-
bings, strangling, suicides, beatings,
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Cenizo
drowning, and suspicious accidents. If
somebody needed killing, nothing
much was said about it, they just need-
ed killing.
More drinking stories than anything
else, because that can be done again
and again.
Once a barmaid asked my friend if
he was a minor and he said, “No
ma’am, I’m a farmer.” She laughed so
hard we drank the rest of the afternoon
for nothing.
Everybody that lives here can drink
and drive and do. It takes thirty min-
utes to get to the closest liquor store, so
we always buy as much as we can just
to keep having some on hand.
Most people work for themselves:
farming, ranching, fixing stuff, selling
parts to fix stuff, drilling wells for oil or
water, processing and selling the crops,
feeding, selling and shipping the cattle,
gathering oil and selling it. The only
people that wear suits are lawyers,
preachers or bankers. The crooks are
all well known. As I said earlier, there
is no place to hide.
There is a code in West Texas that
most people live by, that covers lots of
things. You don’t pass somebody
broke down. You don’t lie about some
things. You don’t cuss loud in public.
Fourth Quarter 2017
You try your best to pay your debts.
You know there are no rules about
love. Try everything at least once.
Don’t tolerate rude behavior, men or
women. Don’t get caught cheating.
Always help your neighbor. Don’t
brag too much. Don’t talk about
whom you’re sleeping with too much.
Stay pretty clean. Don’t mooch. Carry
your own lighter. Keep your knife
sharp. Don’t let your equipment run
down. And don’t piss against the wind.
You can pick out a West Texan in
other parts of Texas. We usually have
the best bluff and the best cold stare to
use on dogs, boars, bulls, and threaten-
ing people. We walk and talk differ-
ently, we look different, we will always
bet on just about anything, we usually
drink the most and in my experience
we usually end up with most of the
best-looking women or men. We don’t
ask you how much land you own or
how many head of cattle you have.
We don’t change too much wherever
we go.
The white man’s history in West
Texas is pretty recent; it was mostly
settled after the civil war. The Indians
had hold of it until then, even after
Texas was a state the second time.
There are some mountains, some
plains, some deserts, most of the Texas
rivers start here, and there’s quite a bit
of stuff that nobody wants, but even
that has a few oil wells.
It borders Old Mexico, New
Mexico, Oklahoma, and East Texas.
We raise more cattle, grow more cot-
ton, pump more oil, turn out more
great football players, suffer the worst
weather, get the least rain, drink more
liquor, and there are more good
women and men living here than any
other place its size.
In essence we’re just better people
all the way around. We’re smarter,
prettier, tougher, quicker and meaner
than most of the state. Like I said, we
don’t brag too much, but if you can be
objective, that’s the truth. West
Texans can find other West Texans
almost anywhere and you can bet
they’ll join up.
If you weren’t born here it is possi-
ble to live here and be accepted, but
people will always tell folks where you
came from every time they introduce
you to somebody new.
I am proud to be a West Texan, and
I think you’ll find most of us are. You
can go anywhere in the world, but you
can’t escape your roots, especially if
you are rooted in West Texas.